Dear Parents and Carers,

Thank you to all of the parents who gave us valuable feedback on our Behaviour Management Policy at St Matthew’s. It was wonderful to hear the positive things you have all experienced.

This week Dr Siggie talks about “validation of feelings”.

You know how you’re going about your day and seemingly within an instant your nice family dinner turns into a screaming match? Or after school pick up starts off ok and then suddenly you and your child are yelling at each other.

You think to yourself “What just happened!? Things were going so well.”
These moments feel like they go from zero to full blown meltdown in an instant, but in actuality, there were signals along the way that you may not have noticed. That’s why it’s incredibly important to take a moment to pause and look inward throughout the day. Looking inward means to check in with yourself and ask yourself:

“How am I feeling right now?”
It’s as if you’re stopping for a split second and taking inventory of your own emotions. Practice doing this throughout your day, during all types of moments: calm moments, anxious moments, angry moments. Start by asking yourself 2 or 3 times a day: “How am I feeling right now?” And build up from there. You’d be shocked to find how common it is to walk around and interact with the world without having a clear picture of how you’re feeling.

The more you practise looking inward, the more you’ll be able to instinctually do this during triggered moments. And that’s your goal: awareness. You want to get to a place where the moment you begin to feel triggered (or feel

anything), you notice it. Once you’re aware of what you’re feeling, you’re then able to validate and manage those feelings. There is a lot of talk about validating your child’s feelings. Don’t forget to also validate YOUR OWN.

Here’s how it can work….

You look inward and check in with yourself throughout the day. You notice that you’re feeling a little extra sensitive and on edge. You validate to yourself: “I’m feeling a little on edge today… it’s ok for me to feel this way sometimes. won’t feel like this all the time, but right now that’s how I feel.” Later in the day you look inward and feel yourself starting to get angry and overwhelmed with your child, you pause and validate these feelings: “I can feel myself starting to get angry… it’s ok, I can feel this way sometimes… I’m in control of my emotions and I can do this.” Realisation of your own feelings in the moment helps to reduce your reactivity. When your own emotions are recognised and validated, you are able to be a more grounded and responsive parent.

Rachel Powell
Assistant Principal (Acting)
rachel.powell@cg.catholic.edu.au